Roommate Agreement for our Parents


The best part about living with parents is the free food, free internet and zero rent. The bad part? The necessity to turn the direction of the laptop every time a nude scene pops on a TV show. We all wish that we could sign a roommate agreement with them before we had our limbs developed.

  1. There should be a minimum 48-hour notice given before any annoying relatives are coming to stay over.
  2. You should respect our way of folding clothes although they are not as perfect as yours. Not everyone can do that perfect lay tee front down – fold the sleeves across the middle of the back to the same measure – smooth the cloth as you work your way to reduce the wrinkles – then fold the collar and the one third of the remaining cloth.
  3. Watching TV shows should be respected and not rebuked as ‘waste of time’. Consider it as our lesson in understanding cultural cross-pollination.
  4. Do not mind our French, unless we sound like the foul-mouthed equivalent of Malcolm Tucker.
  5. Throwing tantrums is okay as long as it is followed by an almost bipolar type happy mood.
  6. Toilet paper refill is a must. The maximum time a toilet seat must witness lack of toilet paper should be less than 10 minutes.
  7. The house should be divided in equal measure for each member and an extra 100 cubic feet should be given to the member if she owns a musical instrument.
  8. If any member happens to be a pathological hoarder he should pay others 1K x an extra cubic footage his stuff occupies.
  9. Culinary experiments should be encouraged unless they don’t burn down the house.
  10. DIY aspirations should be welcomed as long as it does not involve bee keeping.
  11. Feign interest in viral videos of cats, pandas and babies. Fake it till you make it.
  12. Do not give out the endings of any movies, games, TV shows before we watch them on our laptop.
  13. Religious and political opinions should be voiced only if the other party asks for it.
  14. Pets should be banned only if a member is hyper-allergic to them to the point of death. If there is no imminent fear of death, then a pet should be welcomed with open arms.

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